Got My First Negative Preg test-Sad face

Yes sean and I started trying to conceive, First month did not go so well and I got a negative Preg test yesterday, and my Monthly cycle Started today, boo. Oh well it's just a matter of time, and in reality I kind of wanted to get pregnant in August. I want a spring/summer baby, so in the end it will all work out.

Have to admit I was slightly disappointed though that it was negative, was really hoping this was it, that it would be that easy. But it took me six months with my first, I have no doubt it will take me at least a couple months. First of my cycle needs to become regular which is really has not for the last 18 months, I mean I always have a 28 day cycle, but I do have two periods a month all most every month.

I figure with this one good cycle, all the birth control will be gone from my system and we should be set to go! Let's hope.....

Um hmm let's see what else is new.

Got a 100% on my first Aide test, got bored during class, learned absolutely nothing haha, well nothing that I remember, ummmmmmm oh yea my son hates his big boy bed, Baby gaga is full of Drama but I'm addicted to it and the sometimes helpfulness, Really need to get my ass working on my website and actually being a useful part of it, and finally trying to conceive sucks.

That would be about it....

A Hard and Painful Decision!

Ugh I am close to tears right now, it's horrible. I have been delaying it for months, knowing it was going to have to happen sooner or later.

I put melody up for sale today, only had the heart to do one website for now. I feel pretty shitty right now, because I basically lied to her. I promised her a forever home, and here I am some years later putting her in the classifieds. My money is just so tight right now, and I wont ever be able to afford boarding, it would be impossible. Not to mention when would I even have time to ride her.

I love her so much she has brought such joy to my heart. I have laughed with her, cried with her, smiled with her. She gave me the courage t

o trust again, she filled the hole in my heart that was left after my Asin died.

I will never forget my baby girl, and I can only hope for the rest of her day's she brings joy to some other person, she teaches them the great lessons she has taught me.

I gave her a bath today, and ran around with her. Just thinking soon when she is gone, there will be an empty barn, and it will be so quiet without here. I truly will have nothing left here at this house, and I will be more then ready to say goodbye to it.

My heart is breaking agian, and I'm not ready to say goodbye, but I have no other choice. with trying for another baby and medical school, My baby girl will need to find a new home.

Nothing happy to share in this blog, it was a horrible day all around.