Saddness

I seriously need to get myself out of this funk I'm in. I have been so very moody lately and it's starting to affect mine and Sean's relationship. I know what it is and i just have such a hard time talking about because i have trained myself not to. It's just when i do open up i feel like no one is listening to me, and no one understands.

I'm having a really hard time with my Mares Death, and i know she's gone and nothing i will ever do will bring her back. It's been two months now, but i feel like it happened yesterday. Every time i go into her stall i can still picture where i had found her. I know she's in a better place now, and i can come to terms with knowing it was not my fault it was no ones fault, we did what we could. I just miss her, I miss riding her, i miss her kisses and the funny little things she would do. I miss going into the barn at night to bring her in and she would neigh for me, and i just miss those moments i had with her. She brought me so much, she brought such joy into my heart. She gave me the confidence i needed, she was the one i went to when i was sad. I had bonded with her that summer, and i have completed some big milestones with her. Even thought i had let go of her, sometimes i am not sure if i can let go of her fully. I was never good with death, and i don't think i ever will be.

Some may say she was just a horse and that i need to get over this, but to me she wasn't just a horse. She was a big part of my life, and i spent hours with her. She was my baby girl, my princess and i had promised her a forever home.

I think most of these emotions are coming from the fact that i am PMSing (sorry for TMI) and i will be fine in a week, but i just can;t get past the point that i believe no one is understanding me.

I really need to find myself another mare, i know it seems like i'm trying to replace my Girl but i'm not, i'm taking the steps that i need to move on. Which brings me to the fact that i really like this Mare i found, and i really wanna go see her. I have learned a great lesson from this all, and my heart will soon heal, or at least i hope it will.

-Jennifer