Goodbye Melody!

Yes I sold her, it has been at least a couple weeks now, just dident want to talk about it. She has a fabulous new owner, a little girl who deserves her, probably a lot more then I do. I brought her back from the brink of death, and now it is this girls turn to bring out her full potential, something I just do not have the time for.

I want to concentrate on my rabbits who take less time and are a lot less expensive. Not to mention I really want to concentrate on my family and school. I just finished my second Mod, so I now have three more to go now that I am in my third Mod, the easiest mod, thank god!

I miss Melody, it's hard to go into the barn and not see her in there, not hear her. Although my heart has been broken, i feel as if it was for the best. My son deserves all that we can give him, and having another mouth to feed especially a horse was becoming to much for us to handle. Not to mention, no one rents a house with enough space for a horse.

Sean's job is going great and we are finally out of the hole we have been in. Still looking for a house to rent, it's a lot harder then I thought. We need at least three bedrooms and a garage and a land lord who allows animals. I'll be screwed if I can't continue with my Rabbitry.

There is not much to say really, I have a rabbit show coming up on the 2oth I'll post my results then.

Got My First Negative Preg test-Sad face

Yes sean and I started trying to conceive, First month did not go so well and I got a negative Preg test yesterday, and my Monthly cycle Started today, boo. Oh well it's just a matter of time, and in reality I kind of wanted to get pregnant in August. I want a spring/summer baby, so in the end it will all work out.

Have to admit I was slightly disappointed though that it was negative, was really hoping this was it, that it would be that easy. But it took me six months with my first, I have no doubt it will take me at least a couple months. First of my cycle needs to become regular which is really has not for the last 18 months, I mean I always have a 28 day cycle, but I do have two periods a month all most every month.

I figure with this one good cycle, all the birth control will be gone from my system and we should be set to go! Let's hope.....

Um hmm let's see what else is new.

Got a 100% on my first Aide test, got bored during class, learned absolutely nothing haha, well nothing that I remember, ummmmmmm oh yea my son hates his big boy bed, Baby gaga is full of Drama but I'm addicted to it and the sometimes helpfulness, Really need to get my ass working on my website and actually being a useful part of it, and finally trying to conceive sucks.

That would be about it....

A Hard and Painful Decision!

Ugh I am close to tears right now, it's horrible. I have been delaying it for months, knowing it was going to have to happen sooner or later.

I put melody up for sale today, only had the heart to do one website for now. I feel pretty shitty right now, because I basically lied to her. I promised her a forever home, and here I am some years later putting her in the classifieds. My money is just so tight right now, and I wont ever be able to afford boarding, it would be impossible. Not to mention when would I even have time to ride her.

I love her so much she has brought such joy to my heart. I have laughed with her, cried with her, smiled with her. She gave me the courage t

o trust again, she filled the hole in my heart that was left after my Asin died.

I will never forget my baby girl, and I can only hope for the rest of her day's she brings joy to some other person, she teaches them the great lessons she has taught me.

I gave her a bath today, and ran around with her. Just thinking soon when she is gone, there will be an empty barn, and it will be so quiet without here. I truly will have nothing left here at this house, and I will be more then ready to say goodbye to it.

My heart is breaking agian, and I'm not ready to say goodbye, but I have no other choice. with trying for another baby and medical school, My baby girl will need to find a new home.

Nothing happy to share in this blog, it was a horrible day all around.

A Married Women.

Our Wedding was simply wonderful, yes i messed up on my vows, no surprise but over all it was awesome. A lot of people never showed which was disappointing, but it was never about anybody else. It was about uniting with my now husband, and becoming eternily his for life. My dress turned out amazing, I fit in it perfectly, thank god because I was worried I wouldn't. Joshua was a doll throughout the whole thing, even smiled for the camera. He stayed put the entire ceremony which wasn't long, actually now that I think of it, he stayed quiet the whole time as well.

Oh yea I made it into Ross, so I graduate 1-12-2012! I will be a CMA ( certified medical assistant) Well of course I have to take my certification test, but I could work just as a MA, but I think I'll go the extra mile and actually take the test, if I don't get hired into my externship site.It was my first week this week, and I made it, apparently quite a few do not. It wasn't so bad, a bit overwhelming at first, but there are some aspects that I like about the school.

I'm Getting Married Today.

As I say that, so many emotions run through my head, I cannot believe in just a few hours I will be saying I do. I'm excited, happy, emotional, and yes Nervous. Okay I said it, Yes I am highly nervous as hell.

Sean and I decided we will not see each other till the ceremony, it's strange so strange because we are hardly ever apart and to know he's just across the yard is killing me. It will be awesome though when he see's me.

Although it will be raining, I don't care, I wont let it get me down. I will have an epic wedding that's for damn sure.

By 2:00pm today june 11th 2011 I will be Jennifer Marie Vadnais.............

My Little Boy-More like My little Monster!

Joshua has defiantly developed his own little rebellious personality, kind of feel like I'm already going through the terrible two's. Really working on this no biting thing, so far mommy Zip and Josh 100 wins. I think I have tried everything, so far no attempts are working. Maybe if I keep at it, he will get the hint but for now, I have to watch him closely or he sneaks up behind me and bites the back of my leg, crazy little monster he is lol. But he's been a cuddle bug lately, has learned to climb on to the couch, and has successfully broke half of the locks on the cupboards.

He rode melody for the first time yesterday, while she was out grazing, sean put him on her back. She stood there grazing away, and she took a few steps for us. She's been a bit hyper due to being on this new high fat grain we have her on, so I dident want to push my luck in case she freaked out. Actually can't wait for after the wedding so I can get in some ride time, she has had way to long of. But I also want to get her back up to 900 pounds before we do some riding. Her arthritis seems to be back under control, less stiff from what I have noticed. But she lost a bit of weight this winter, back to 872. So frustrating, but i noticed she did this the year b

efore as well. Makes me wonder if thats kind of why her old old owners let her go down to so much weight, maybe they just dident feed her enough and through the winter they couldn't keep up.

She sure is a hard-keeper feed wise. But well worth it, just hope she's not a crazy uncontroablle horse when I get back on her for some rides this summer. We shall see though!

Ten day's till my wedding and I cannot wait to be MRS.

VADNAIS.......................

17 Day's and Counting.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sorry just had to get that out, so I have 17 day's until my wedding and I am going crazy. Have been telling everyone I am not stressed out, but I am, I'm crazy stressed out. I have so much on my mind, that I am suffering from sleep Apena again, which causes me to stay up most of the night and then I just want to sleep all day. In order to combat my tiredness I have resorted back to Dr.pepper which I now feel like I gained a few pounds back, which scares the crap out of me, because I have no choice but to hope to god my dress wont be to tight. There are some thing's on my dress that i'm eh about, but to save myself the money I just said fuck it, and left it be.

I can't decide on a stupid hair do and have went through I don't know 1,000 pictures now, and have some what narrowed it down to three. I'm panicking because I don't know what my hair will do and if my hairstylist can make it look good and if I even have the money to pay her. I'm at the end of my budget and I have no more room to add in any extra cost's.

Why do wedding's have to be so stressful? Sometimes I think I should have just did it the easy way, and went to the court house and be done with it. But I know deep down if I had done that I would have missed out on

the whole happiness with being able to share my love

with the family, well my family, who the fuck knows if Sean's family is happy about the whole things, I really don't even want to get into that, just fuels my anxiety even more..............

Okay, okay enough complaining I promise!

Baby Kitty's are doing good, growing fast and getting big. All have their eye's open.

Josh has finally got walking down for a good couple weeks and now cruises everywhere.

A Mother's Day Surprise- Kittens, 26 Day's till the Wedding.

Tabby had her baby's last Sunday on mother's day, have to say it was one of the best things I could have asked for. Everything went well, and we had five healthy little baby kittens. Three day's after Samantha followed with Five of her own baby's. Most are going to Farmers around the area as good hunting cat's, of course they were promised to be fixed, and a few I hope will be going to good family homes, to be loving family cats, and I may even keep one lol. I fell in love with a little grey one I have dubbed Moonshine! it's a feisty one, but at the same time lazy, always catching it either sleeping or resting against one of it's siblings to eat, or fighting of one of it's siblings to get the best boob, what a character.

Twenty-Six day's until my wedding, it's really getting down to the last few day's. Most of everything is done, thank god now it's just paying for everything. Gosh I went way over my budget by like 3,000 i think in total spending close to Five grand already, Yikes. Thank goodness for my parents, cause I'd never be able to do it.

Quit my Job yesterday, just tired of the lame ass hours with no pay raise and being treated like one of the 17-18 year olds. I dident go to college for three years to put up with that crap, no way in hell! Sean say's we will make it, and that he payed our bills by himself for four years, he can do it again. We want me to concentrate on my school, 7 months and I will have a real career with good pay and benefits, hopefully everything falls into place and things get better cause financially we do suffer but as long as our son is happy, I can do without things.

I think I splurged a little to much on the wedding, but besides that fact it's my first and only wedding to the man of my dreams, I want it to be special, a day to remember for Sean, Me, and our son.

Oh I found a fantastic Sim's 3 story, it's awesome and actually written quite well: http://blazelegacy.wordpress.com/

If Sims 3 is your thing and you like well written story's she's your gal!

Six Weeks Till My Wedding.

Six weeks till my wedding, can't believe how close it is, I still have so much to do and so little time. Went way over the budget that I wanted to stick with, but thank god for my parents who offered to pay for the tent/tables/chairs, my dress and all the catering. Now I just have the odds and ends to pay for.

Melody's doing good, she's been out in the other pasture getting some excersize instead of sitting in her stall all day which she would rather do. Hoping to ride her after the wedding and when things start to dry up. I'm hoping she wont act up to much and rides just as smooth as she had last year. Right now she's a bit sassy, but i can tell she's feeling good, lot less stiff. I have a few more supplements I want to try, but I'll have to wait for that.

The barn cats are pregnant, so we should have baby kitty's running around in the next few weeks, stupid tom cat caught them, told my parents they needed to get the girls fixed but they dident think they could get pregnant till they were a year old. I'll defiantly be taking them in to get fixed after they have the baby's. Really don't need 100 cats around especially when the lady down the road breeds her's for fun and lets them run around the neighborhood, most getting hit by cars or killed by dogs sadly. I have a couple good homes lined up already thank god, so shouldn't be a problem to find loving homes.

My son's getting so big 15 months old and almost walking. He's such a ham always laughing. He can be a little butt though, he went from hitting me to biting me now, ugh hopefully we can get him to cut that out. He weighs 24 pounds, and is so very tall, gonna be a big boy.

Planning on going to Ross medical June 20th to become a medical assistant. Just so tired of fudging around in college and getting no where. I'd like a good paying job, with some benefits so I can buy a horse and hopefully if my sons interested in horses a good riding pony. Even if he's not I might look at another OTTB and then fully retire my mare... I just need to keep my hopes up and hang on and hopefully things will all line up and be okay. Just have to keep faith!!

Goodbye Pony!

I sold Princess on Tuesday to a really nice girl who needed her for a companion for her Mare, and wanted to use her as a cart horse. I am beyond excited, means I now only have to worry about my mare melody which makes it so much easier on me in so many ways. Now don't get me wrong i enjoyed Princess's company, but she never liked to be pet, and never liked to be groomed, which really hurt our relationship because the only way to bond was if i could touch her and she hated to be touched.

Melody was a bit upset that she was gone, but so far she has seemed to get over it fast, and now has the whole barn to enjoy to herself. It will be a bit easier to ride her now, because she wont have so much anxiety to be away from her buddy. Can't wait to start riding again. Hoping this summer i will get in so much more riding time then I had last summer!!!!

Happy First Birthday Joshua Michael.

Wow, my son is a year old today. I can't believe how fast he has grown. Exactly a few minutes ago I had held him in my arms after two hours of pushing. It's amazing to think of this past year, the learning on how exactly to be a parent, but you know it just came so natural to me. Yes there are a few things i wish i could have done different, but i really would not change much. My son is wonderful, healthy, and a joy to be around. He makes me smile, and he is so intelligent, and so advanced congninitive wise that it over joy's me to know he wont struggle in his future as much as i had.

I can't wait for this summer so he can run and play in the grass, actually ride Melody this time, and enjoy the outdoors as much as his mom and dad do.

I am so pleased to be a mother and to have my son in my arms each day, to be able to hug him, and kiss his little cheek. There are not enough words to describe just how much i love him!

Becoming Someone New/ Saying Goodbye

Well things have been happening fast these past few months, forgot about my blog once again. I really suck at these things, lol. I got all A's and B's in my fall classes, which makes me so proud of myself. I have never done better and I have so much motivation to continue succeeding. I want the best for my son, and i want to become a social worker as soon as possible so i can start helping others like i feel i have always been meant to do.

Finally set a wedding date for June 11th 2011 a couple months ago, so short notice and now i have four months and 4 weeks before i become Mrs. Vadnais. It's so un real, i have waited Five long years to marry my best friend, the love of my life, the father of my son and it's finally going to happen. We have never been better in our relashionship and have grown so strong as parents. I'm so ready to become his wife and get a place of our own!

I also got a new job and Chuck E' Cheeses, can't say it's the best job ever money wise but i like it, I work with some great people who i appreciate so much for their kindness. It's a start and at this point ill take anything because jobs are very limited in Michigan.

Unfortunately my parents have come to the descion that they are selling the farm and my heart hurts so much. I grew up here, I raised my son in his first year of life here. I have my horses here. Which comes to the saddest part of all, having to say goodbye to most if not all my animals.

Princess the pony will be the first to go I just cannot afford boarding for two horses, my budget is so very tight as it is. Second will go the rabbits, and third will go maybe my beloved Dog Dakota who may be going to my best friend. I have so many fond memory's and i cry all the time.

Everyone wants me to let go of Melody to, but i can't, I love her so much and i promised her I'd always give her a home always. I hope to find an affordable boarding barn and i really hope to get her arthritis under control so i can actually start working with her. But i fear my money will fall short and i wont be able to board her and i will have to sell her. I just can't my bond with her is too tight and she has been from one home to the next most of her life. I want to be with her to her last day. She has given me so much, trust, confidence, love, honor, honesty. She had filled the dark hole in my heart when my OTTB mare died. I don't know what to do, and it hurts.

My family or My horse................I can never not choose my Family they are number one and always will be, but i will fight for my horse and hopefully i find a way to have the best of both worlds.